Tag Archives: humor

Do you know how many…

that is how many a statistical revelation spues forth from my husband’s mouth.  We will be talking about some random topic and then, as the conversation ensues, Radames will hit me with it:  the statistic, the one to give me pause, think twice before I ever carry the laundry basket to the basement with my Birkenstocks on again.  Here is an example,
“Do you know how many people fall down the steps carrying laundry with Birkenstocks on?” I pause.  “Wow, I hadn’t thought about that, I better be careful.”

The nation’s number one worrier relieved as I proceed to replace my sandals with my sneakers, before proceeding to the basement.

About a year ago,  I realized data did not follow the inquiry. So I decided to start following up on all these random statistical innuendos that populate my dear husband’s head.

First, how was it that he knew so many statistics?  It is true that he could win: Who wants to be a millionaire without a lifeline BUT, did he really know that millions of people slip on banana peels that fall from the kitchen counter every year?

I began inquiries with every startling statistic reference as they rolled off his tongue with unquestionable authority.  I looked a lot of them up.  He is right about many of his statistical declarations but now, I am holding him a bit more, shall we say, accountable.

Saturday nights statistic was a doozy: mid way through a discussion of beavers, my dear Radames spewed out his best statistic ever.

At the end of a dinner party, he asked the guests:

” Do you know how many beavers are killed every year by the trees they cut down?

Just like me, the dinner guests paused and took note. I imagined them thinking, cause I used to do it, wow…hmm… this guys pretty smart, must be a large number. A kind of Colombo moment  settled over the dinner guests at that  moment.

But, aha, I piped in…”Now, really, are you sure this isn’t a Ramism…one of those stats you pull from the sky.” We all laughed.
Curious I looked it up tonight and a quick Goggle search revealed that one poor beaver did succumb to his own handiwork in 2015. One on record…leaving the billions and billions of other crushed beavers out there in never, never land…at the end of the question…do you know how many
?


After dinner

We think yoga is a very, very good idea

A friend of mine and I think yoga is a good idea

I think I’ll try yoga I said to him 4 years ago
Good idea, do yoga

Another friend called me up in 2008
I think I’ll become a yoga teacher
Good idea, I said
She teaches yoga classes a few hours from me
It’s 2013, I still haven’t done yoga.

But hey me and my friend, we still think it is a great idea
He dated a yoga teacher, he didn’t tell me much about her
But he said afterwards he told his brother,
“hey bro, you might want to try yoga”

The brother didn’t like this idea
it led to, well, a non-yoga reaction
“Yoga, WTF bro”

I recently suggested yoga to a relative I haven’t heard from sinse

Neither my friend nor I are doing yoga
But we found a taker, his friend came to visit him
And after reading a few books I sent him, Buddhism and the like,
She left, declaring as her plane took off

“I’m going back home to be a yoga teacher”

We concluded, my friend and I, that yoga is a really good idea
But we live by nature
Me in the countryside, him by the sea, so we don’t need yoga

But we think yoga is a very, very good idea.

picture of Macadew, Yoga is a good idea?
Yoga? Yoga? A good idea?
@claireaperez copyright with a little help from my friends