50 posts in 3 months may

Tazz & Honey Bunny
Tazz & Honey Bunny, circa 06 and both still here today

just be a bit beyond my reach.  I find myself feeling that invisible belt around my chest cavity when I think of the pressure I  put on myself to do this many posts.  If this is all I did all day, sure, 50 posts would be fine.  But it is not…this weekend I worked on taxes, our rental property, and work.  I did go out to dinner and for a walk, but it was not like I did much else.  The dishes are in the sink  undone, my dog keeps looking at me with those eyes that seem to say, “It was one thing when we had a foot of snow outside, but what the heck, can’t you go out and throw that Frisbee for me a few times?” and as I write this my little cat Honey Bunny meandered over and is now meowwwwwwing for food.   So, will I reach 50 posts, maybe, maybe not?  But since this is for fun and a hobby, I am going to turn the volume down on my goal.

It also occurs to me, as I write this, that we humans construct in our heads all kinds of definitions of success.  Definitions that may or may not have anything to do with reality.  After all, what changes if I do not meet the 50 blogs, am I therefore, not a success?  And who actually is the arbiter of this success, who writes the definition for me?  I  keep going back to all my Buddhist  reading and the truth of reality I find in them.  My summation is that we create names and labels for things in our attempt to understand them.  Then we try to etch those names and labels into some kind of permanence, I am a successful blogger if I have 50 posts up in 3 months, I am a successful person if I have a a Master’s degree along with the reverse for all of it:  Unsuccessful = 48 blogs.

What I really need to do, is to look at what I work at and decide if it really fits what I want to be doing with my time.  What is my success and how will I know I have reached it or perhaps sailed right through it, never taking a moment to breathe it in and express gratitude. Well, the cat’s calling, she needs her dinner.

©claireaperez